Choose Your Hard—Intentional discomfort is different than staying stuck
September 30, 2025
There’s a lesson from a book that still rings in my ears whenever I feel pulled to avoid something uncomfortable:
“Choose which hard you can take.”
Because either way—it’s going to be hard.
Avoiding the difficult conversation? That’s hard.
Having it honestly, kindly, and vulnerably? Also hard.
Ignoring your financial situation? Hard.
Facing the numbers and making a plan? Equally hard.
Pushing through your to-do list at the expense of your body? That’s hard.
Choosing to rest and risk judgment or guilt? Still hard.
But one kind of hard keeps you stuck.
The other kind moves you toward something more aligned.
💬 Mental Health Insight: A Moment of Choice
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) describes these inflection points as “choice points.”
Each moment invites you to ask:
Is this action moving me toward or away from the life I want?
It’s not about bravery or perfection—it’s about intention.
Research shows that avoidance offers short-term relief, but long-term distress (Hayes et al., 1999). Discomfort in service of your values, however, builds emotional resilience and meaning (Harris, 2009).
⚖️ There are times when avoidance is necessary.
Not all discomfort is meant to be endured. Some avoidance is wise—it keeps us safe. So how do we tell the difference?
Before jumping into trial-and-error mode, pause to ask a few gentle questions:
Am I avoiding something that’s harmful?
Painful?
Awkward or uncertain?
Avoidance can protect us. (Don’t walk down that alley. Don’t text your ex. Don’t eat at that restaurant that gave you food poisoning—twice.)
But more often, it keeps us disconnected from our goals, values, and needs.
💛 Value-driven discomfort might look like:
💬 Having an emotional conversation
😴 Choosing rest over perfectionism
📊 Looking honestly at your spending patterns
💛 Taking accountability in a relationship
💻 Applying for the job or negotiating a raise
🙏 Saying “no” to protect something you’ve said “yes” to
These acts are not easy—but they’re aligned. That makes them worth it.
💡 Try This Mini Reframe
When you feel avoidant or overwhelmed, pause and ask:
What value is trying to show up right now?
What would aligned discomfort look like in this moment?
What avoidance strategy is my mind offering instead?
What’s one small step I can take toward what matters?
It doesn’t need to be a leap. Just a conscious inch in the right direction.
🧷 Untrendy but True
Here’s the part that’s uncomfortable to name:
Most of us already know what we’re avoiding.
We’re just hoping it’ll go away, or someone else will deal with it, or maybe the timing will feel easier later.
But if the discomfort is in service of your values—it’s worth choosing.
Because what’s hard now can often bring peace later.
What’s easy now may create even more stuckness later.
📚 Resources for the Curious
📖 Untamed by Glennon Doyle (2020)
📖 ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris (2009)
📖 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson (1999)
📖 Daring Greatly by Brené Brown (2012)
🎧 We Can Do Hard Things Podcast – Episode: “Hard Feelings” (2023)
📄 Tool – Explore the hard you’re avoiding—and what value you could move toward instead. Not to force anything. Just to notice, gently. “The Hard I’m Choosing” Journal Prompt