Gratitude in the middle of real life
Beyond the table—into real life’s tangle.
November 25, 2025
The Holiday vs. The Everyday
Thanksgiving is one day—full of indulgence, traditions, and round-robin “I’m grateful for…” moments. We name the classics: family, health, shelter, food. Beautiful, true—and often spoken once a year, then lost in the swirl of ordinary life.
Real life is smaller and messier:
Mom forgets the grocery run—no favorite cookies this time.
Your son spikes a fever and you can’t shake the worry.
Riley pushes every button you have—and yet, you’d rather argue than be estranged…or grieving what can’t be repaired.
Gratitude, in this light, isn’t a performance. It’s a practice—a way of noticing what still matters while we hold what hurts.
What the Science Says
Research shows that gratitude practices can increase well-being, buffer stress, and improve sleep and relationships—when they’re done consistently and authentically, not as toxic positivity (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Wood et al., 2010). Even brief, regular check-ins (like listing three things you appreciated today) can shift attention toward sources of meaning without denying difficulty (Emmons & Stern, 2013).
From an ACT perspective, gratitude is not meant to erase pain. It’s a values-consistent attention shift: noticing and making room for both discomfort and what you care about, then taking small actions aligned with those values (Hayes et al., 1999; Harris, 2009).
Try This: Everyday Gratitude
Name the because.
“I’m grateful my sister is here because it means we’re still in each other’s lives, even when it’s hard.”Go specific, not grand.
“Hot coffee that stayed warm during the call.” “Nurse who returned my message.” “Ten quiet minutes in the car.”Allow mixed feelings.
“I’m scared about my child’s fever and grateful for access to urgent care.”Practice with your values.
If connection is a value, text the friend you’ve been missing. If care is a value, step outside and breathe for one minute.Micro-rituals (90 seconds or less).
Write one sentence: “Today I appreciated…”
Say thank you out loud to someone or something.
Before bed: recall a moment of ease, however small.
🧷 Untrendy but True
Gratitude won’t fix grief, illness, conflict, or injustice.
It can, however, coexist with them—keeping your attention tethered to the threads of meaning that make hard seasons survivable.
Gratitude isn’t a mood. It’s a muscle.
And the reps are small.
📚 Resources for the Curious
Books
📖 Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks!: How the new science of gratitude can make you happier. Houghton Mifflin.
📖 GGSC (2020). The Gratitude Project: How the science of thankfulness can rewire our brains for resilience, optimism, and the greater good. New Harbinger.
Podcasts
🎧 The Science of Happiness (Greater Good Science Center) — episodes on gratitude and everyday practices.
🎧 Ten Percent Happier — conversations on realistic gratitude and resilience.
Articles
📄 Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings vs. burdens. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
🧠 References
Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks!: How the new science of gratitude can make you happier. Houghton Mifflin.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.
Emmons, R. A., & Stern, R. (2013). Gratitude as a psychotherapeutic intervention. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(8), 846–855.
Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. New Harbinger.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.
Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905.