Beyond the Scroll: Choosing Self-Compassion Over Comparison

September 16, 2025

When comparison takes over, self-compassion brings us back to ourselves

We live in a world where comparison is no longer a passing thought—it’s a constant presence. You don’t have to seek it out. Just open your phone.

In a few seconds, you might see someone’s new baby, someone else’s book deal, another person’s six-figure salary breakdown, or a curated morning routine with zero laundry in the background. It’s relentless. And our minds absorb it all—silently tallying our perceived failures, wondering what’s wrong with us, and shrinking our dreams in the process.

As Sharon Salzberg writes in Real Love, this isn’t just social media. It’s cultural conditioning. It’s survival logic, dressed up as self-improvement.

Mental Health Insight
Comparison isn’t just annoying—it’s corrosive.

In The How of Happiness, psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky found that the more social comparisons we make, the worse we feel. The more sensitive we are to them, the more likely we are to suffer. It doesn’t matter how “successful” we are. There will always be someone doing more, faster, shinier.

This is not a character flaw. It’s how your brain was wired to detect threats and maintain belonging. But in a culture obsessed with productivity, perfection, and performance, that ancient wiring turns in on us. Especially for those who, as Salzberg notes, were raised with the belief that they were broken from the beginning—because of religion, race, gender, or simply existing outside the dominant narrative.

From Original Sin to Original Shame

Salzberg shares how many people internalize deep guilt from a young age—“I was born bad, I was born broken.” Even those who didn’t grow up with overt messages of shame often carry the weight of cultural narratives that say, you’re not enough unless you’re winning.

This is especially heavy for those with marginalized identities. Our culture doesn’t just whisper, it sometimes shouts: you don’t belong. As James Baldwin wrote, “It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself and half-believed before I was able to walk on earth as though I had a right to be here.”

Unlearning this is not a one-time event. It’s daily work. It’s choosing to turn away from comparison and toward compassion.

What Self-Compassion Sounds Like

It doesn’t sound like a motivational quote.
It sounds like:

• “This hurts, and I’m not alone in feeling this way.”

• “My worth isn’t measured in milestones.”

• “Their path isn’t my path, and that’s okay.”

• “I’m doing the best I can with the resources I have.”

And sometimes, it sounds like a gentle scroll break, a nap, or a boundary with your phone.

Try This: Ask yourself today:

Where do I fall into comparison—and how does it make me feel?
What would self-compassion sound like in those moments?
What might I dream or create if I wasn’t trying to win, but simply to live well?

Try tracking these moments for a day. Not to shame yourself, but to notice what stories your mind tells—and what’s actually true.

📚 Resources for the Curious

📖 Book – Salzberg, S. (2017). Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection. Flatiron Books.
📖 Book – Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin Press.
📄 Essay – Baldwin, J. (1960). They Can’t Turn Back. Reprinted in The Cross of Redemption: Uncollected Writings.