Money Isn’t Just Math—It’s Mental Health
September 9, 2025
What Tori Dunlap’s Financial Feminist teaches us about shame, self-care, and financial alignment
Money is everywhere—in our relationships, our stress levels, our therapy sessions. It’s often treated like a separate, private issue. But in reality, money touches nearly every aspect of mental health.
We argue about it with our partners. We lose sleep over it. We feel shame when we spend, and shame when we save “wrong.” And the rising cost of everything—rent, groceries, healthcare—only adds pressure to get it all “right.”
In Financial Feminist, Tori Dunlap reminds us that “money isn’t the goal—it’s the tool.” But using that tool well means confronting the stories we’ve inherited and the systems we’re up against. It means talking about what we were taught (or not taught) about money. It means acknowledging that therapy and money are not separate. Especially in the U.S. healthcare system, where access to mental health support is shaped by income, insurance, time, and privilege.
Mental Health Insight
In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), we’re invited to notice our difficult thoughts—about money, worth, or fear—without fusing with them. Then, we choose actions that align with our values, even when discomfort shows up.
Money brings up discomfort. That doesn’t make you broken. That makes you human.
When we practice financial self-care, we’re not aiming for perfection—we’re aiming for clarity and compassion. That means:
Planning for the future without fear
Naming what brings us joy
Differentiating shame from responsibility
Taking slow, consistent action—even in uncertain times
⚖️ Values-Based Financial Self-Care
Self-care isn’t just spa days or saying no. It’s also:
Checking your bank account with kindness
Canceling a subscription you’re no longer using
Building an emergency fund (even if it starts with $5)
Budgeting for pleasure, not just survival
Asking for help when you need it
And it’s not just about restriction. It’s about choosing what matters most.
My Top 3 Spending Values
Here’s where I choose to spend freely, because it brings me joy, connection, and alignment with who I want to be:
🍽️ Food – Whether I’m cooking at home or dining out with people I love, food is how I connect, care, and create memories. “Food is love” is my mantra—and it shows up in every shared meal, celebration, and comfort dish.
📚 Books – Reading feeds my mind, my creativity, and my sense of possibility. It gives me perspective and transports me to new worlds—reminding me of what’s possible, and how others live, dream, and endure.
🌍 Experiences – Travel, family dinners, rituals, and seasonal celebrations create memories that last far beyond the transaction.
Naming your values helps you move from “I shouldn’t have spent that” to “I’m glad I chose that.”
Try This, Reflect today:
What are three things I spend money on that bring me joy, relief, or connection?
What financial habits support my long-term well-being, even if they feel uncomfortable now?
Where might I be spending from fear, autopilot, or shame—and what would I like to shift?
📚 Resources for the Curious
📖 Book – Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap
🎧 Podcast – Her First $100K by Tori Dunlap
📄 More Learning –
APA (2023). Stress in America: The state of our nation.
Britt, S. L., & Huston, S. J. (2012). The role of money arguments in marriage. Journal of Family and Economic Issues, 33(4), 464–476. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-012-9304-5