Meeting Your Inner Critic Without Letting It Take the Wheel
September 23, 2025
You don’t have to believe every voice that speaks from within
We all carry voices inside us.
Some sound like old teachers. Some mimic the comments section. Some speak in the tone of someone we once loved—or longed to please. And some we’ve heard so often, we forget they aren’t actually ours.
Sharon Salzberg (2017), in Real Love, describes this voice clearly:
“The critic lives in a world of absolutes with little room for nuance or gray areas. Her favorite words are should, always, and never, and blame is her operating system.”
Sound familiar?
🧠 Mental Health Insight
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we call this cognitive fusion—when we become entangled with our thoughts and begin treating them as facts (Hayes et al., 1999). The inner critic isn’t just a voice—it’s a narrator, spinning a story about who we are and what we deserve.
You’ll never get it right.
You’re too much.
You’re not enough.
Who do you think you are?
It often shows up right when we take a risk, try something new, or even experience something good. It masks itself as motivation—but really, it’s fear in a clever disguise.
🪞 Where Did It Come From?
As Salzberg (2017) notes, the inner critic often mimics voices from our past—a parent, boss, teacher, or even a stranger whose comment embedded itself in our memory. Sometimes it’s inherited—passed down like a family heirloom, coded in shame and mistaken for love.
And paradoxically, this voice can feel comforting. Familiar. Like a tether to people or rules we once depended on. But staying loyal to those voices often means staying small.
🌱 What Mindfulness Teaches Us
Mindfulness teaches us to observe our thoughts without merging with them (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). It gives us the power to notice: “This is just a thought. I don’t have to obey it.”
When we pause, we can see the critic clearly:
When something goes wrong—and when something goes right
When we fall short—and even when we succeed
When we compare ourselves to others—forgetting that we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel
As Salzberg (2017) wisely writes, “Mindfulness is so much wiser and more robust than our inner critic.”
✨ Try This
The next time your inner critic speaks up, pause and ask yourself:
Whose voice is this really?
Is it guiding me toward growth—or keeping me small?
What would a kinder, wiser voice say instead?
You don’t need to silence the critic completely. Just stop letting it steer the car.
📚 Resources for the Curious
📖 Book – Salzberg, S. (2017). Real love: The art of mindful connection. Flatiron Books.
📖 Book – Harris, R. (2019). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Trumpeter Books.
📖 Book – Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind: A new approach to life’s challenges. Constable.
📄 Research/Citations–
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte.